Posted in Emotions, Grace, prayers, White Knight, Worship

His & Hers Songs

Music is amazing.  Music crosses cultures and communicates to everyone at some level.  It’s inspiring.  It pierces to the soul.  Music communicates the deepest of man’s emotions with a single note or word.

Song writers are amazing.  That someone can so expertly put into words what I am feeling but am unable to communicate or even make sense of for myself is AMAZING.
Today I have his and hers songs share so that I will remember this moment.  These two songs exactly communicate the cry of my heart.  Mine, “Gravity” by Sara Bareilles. . . should be self-explanatory.  My Knight’s, “Shake it Off,” by Florence and the Machine . . . was a moment of inspiration watching him hunched over in the tub, head down, slumped.  I could almost see the demons riding on his shoulders, weighing him down.
“Gravity” – This is my favorite version by the singer/ songwriter done live.  Also see Alex and Sierra’s
Something always brings me back to you.
It never takes too long.
No matter what I say or do I’ll still feel you here ‘til the moment I’m gone.
You hold me without touch.
You keep me without chains.
I never wanted anything so much than to drown in your love and not feel your reign.
Set me free, leave me be. I don’t want to fall another moment into your gravity.
Here I am and I stand so tall, just the way I’m supposed to be.
But you’re on to me and all over me.
You loved me ’cause I’m fragile.
When I thought that I was strong.
But you touch me for a little while and all my fragile strength is gone.
I live here on my knees as I try to make you see that you’re
Everything I think I need here on the ground.
But you’re neither friend nor foe though I can’t seem to let you go.
The one thing that I still know is that you’re keeping me down.
You’re keeping me down, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
You’re on to me, on to me, and all over…
Something always brings me back to you.
It never takes too long.
“Shake it Off” – This one is done by Glee, one of my favorite version for the trio effect.  More meaningful too since it was situation specific for the show.
Regrets collect like old friends
Here to relive your darkest moments
I can see no way, I can see no way
And all of the ghouls come out to play
And every demon wants his pound of flesh
But I like to keep some things to myself
I like to keep my issues drawn
It’s always darkest before the dawn
And I’ve been a fool and I’ve been blind
I can never leave the past behind
I can see no way, I can see no way
I’m always dragging that horse around
All of his questions, such a mournful sound
Tonight I’m gonna bury that horse in the ground
Cause I like to keep my issues drawn
It’s always darkest before the dawn
Shake it out, shake 

it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh woaaah!      2x

And it’s hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off, ooh woah!
And I am done with my graceless heart
So tonight I’m gonna cut it out and then restart
Cause I like to keep my issues drawn
It’s always darkest before the dawn
And given half the chance would I take any of it back
It’s a fine romance but its left me so undone
It’s always darkest before the dawn
And I’m damned if I do and I’m damned if I don’t
So here’s to drinks in the dark at the end of my rope
And I’m ready to suffer and I’m ready to hope
It’s a shot in the dark aimed right up my throat
Cause looking for heaven, found the devil in me
Looking for heaven, found the devil in me
Well what the hell I’m gonna let it happen to me, ohh


Posted in business, prayers, Weddings

Near Wedding Disaster (i.e. giving thanks to God)

Weddings are supposed to be a jumping off point of a young couple’s life together. Whether traditional or trendy the couple (particularly the bride) is emotional vested in the ceremony and what the event means. Even the most minor of ‘hiccups’ on this special day could ruin an otherwise perfect experience. Who hasn’t seen or experienced a bridezilla moment at one point or another? It has always been my greatest fear to be the perpetrator who instigates one such bridezilla moment. Being a organized person and experienced in event planning, I would have liked to think that I think of everything and plan for every circumstance. Today, however, I was humbled.

A young couple who frequents the restaurant asked us to prepare a portion of their wedding reception menu. They would be taking care of the appetizers and one of the entrees. We would prepare and deliver two other entrees, the starch, the salad, the bread and dessert including a sheet cake for the cake cutting. Here’s the kicker. The couple wanted the meal delivered, hot and ready to serve to the Yachats Lions Club. Simple right?

Well it should have been. Earlier I had entered the town of Yachats into in order estimate milage for the couples reception estimate. It was 75 miles, an estimated hour and half drive. Today, I arrived at the restaurant with time to load everything as well as giving myself (at my husband’s suggestion) an extra half an hour drive time to deal with Saturday traffic on HWY 126. Just before leaving, I printed off exact directions to the reception site with the street address the bride had given me. But wait . . . these directions say it is TWO AND A HALF HOURS to the reception site! The Yachats Lions Club is apparently in Otterrock! Serveral more google map searches later, a frantic but fruitless look for a wedding party phone number, and a vague recollection of the bride mentioning something about Otterock, I rush out the door with said google map intructions in hand already forty-five minutes behind my new schedule.

As I speed along, I reasoned with myself. “Ok. I’m scheduled to arrive a half an hour before the ceremony. I’m only forty-five minutes behind. I’ll get there fifteen minutes into the ceremony and no one will notice I am late,” I thought. This reasoning alternated with “Oh God, please.” Please get this slow car out of my way. Please don’t let me miss my turn off again. Please make the road straighter so I can go faster. Things like that.

After a missed highway connection in Corvallis I arrive in Otterrock an hour later than the agreed upon delivery time and 344 4th street, Otterrock, Oregon is nowhere to be found. Not a single local knew of a 4th street OR a Lions Club in Otterrock. With my father talking me through a detailed google map description of Otterrock I arrive at 4th street and find myself on a deserted deadend road with no Yachat club in site. I have no choice but to disregard and go with the logical assumption that the Yachats Lions Club is in Yachats (not Otterrock regardless of what google says) an hour away.

By this point, I had worried myself out. There was no way to make this better. “I’ve ruined this couples wedding,” I thought. Appetizers will be gone. People will be just waiting around for me to show up. The bride will be frantic. If one digruntled customer tells ten about their bad experience, what will 120 disappoined/impatient/streesed wedding guests do? Have I just ruined by business reputation forever? WHAT CAN I SAY TO MAKE THIS OK?

Two hours late for my delivery, I pull up at the reception site. I see assorted guests standing outside, most with a drink in hand. I take a deep breath and pray one quick prayer. It was a simple prayer. “Please, God” I prayed. “Give me the words to make this right and give me peace.”

First contact was nothing much. The two closest guys offer to help me carry. “Sure,” I said. In my mind I am thinking, “I could use all the help I can get!” We begin carrying cambros through the guests to the kitchen. I begin setting up the buffet while the guys continue to haul things in. Then the GROOM asks what he can do to help!

Miracle of miracles! No words were neccessary. Things hadn’t progress very far at all. The couple was still taking pictures. Appetizers were still out. The entree they were in charge of wasn’t even ready to put out yet! I tried to apologize for being late. Trying not to make excuses, I explain about the Otterrock address and found that they had seen the same thing online. (They, at least, had already had a physical experince with the reception site.) They ended up APOLOGIZING TO ME for the stress I had experienced! They love the restaurant. They stop by for brunch on their way to the coast everytime. They tell (and will be telling) everyone about us. I couldn’t have asked for (yet recieved) an easier situation than that. They let me know I can even be expecting a tip with return our equipment!

Now that’s an answer to pray!

Posted in Life's Lessons, prayers, Rant

Grandparents (ie. breaking the curse)

This is re-post from last year which I removed to honor an uncle’s request, but it needs to said. I love you grandpa!

June, 2009
Tonight I said ‘goodbye’ to my grandparents for, what I believe is, the last time. My grandmother has burnt has last bridge with my parents and my grandparents will be leaving tomorrow to live on the east coast. They will be living with their last child.

My grandmother has a long and sordid history of alienating and/or disowning one or all of her four children. It’s a sad thing when the strongest memories I have of my grandmother are negative ones. It’s a sad thing to watch a woman at the end of her life make the same prideful mistakes she made before you were even born. A lifetime of illness and fragile health brought about from resentment and a hardened heart. How can a mother disown a daughter who left her family and business in distress to ‘rescue’ her – move her lock, stock, and barrel into her own home sacrificing her own family to care for her parents? I don’t understand it, but I watched it happen. In thinking about my grandmother, I have chalked her up to one of life’s lessons – one I need to learn from. So what can I learn from my grandmother’s lifetime of selfishness and self pity? OH, Let me count the ways!

1) Grow up. Mature with age and gain wisdom as you go. There’s nothing less attractive than an 80 year old woman with the emotional maturity of a junior higher.

2) Learn from your mistakes. Life may be a spiral, but every time you come around again, the hurdles should be easier.

3) Age gracefully. Bitterness poisons you from the inside out. If you want to live a long and healthy life – live a happy life not storing up offenses and spewing at those around you.

4) Be real. Life is to short to fake your way through it. Life should never be about putting on a smiling face and pretending the ugliness of the night before never happened.

5) Give without the expectation of receiving. Give for the joy of giving not the satisfaction of being recognized. No one should feel guilty for not writing a thank you note.

6) Love without conditions. What do you have to cling to at the end of your life, but the relationships you’ve built throughout the course of it? Destroy them and you will be a sad, bitter, lonely old woman with nothing but your pride to cling to.

My greatest hope is to not carry these lessons through to my kids. I have enough to learn from in my life without repeating the mistakes of my ancestors.

May my pride not blind me to my own shortcomings.
May I have the grace to admit when I am wrong, the humility to make amends
and the desire to do better.
May I remember that all we have take from this world into the next are the
relationships we cultivate.
May my desire for control not control me.
May I love unconditionally, give without hesitation, and live joyfully.

GROW up and LEARN from your mistakes, AGE gracefully, GIVE without expectations, and LOVE unconditionally. 

 Did I miss anything?

Posted in business, prayers

The Burden of Finances ( i.e. The Grace of God)

Ever heard the statistic, “money is the number one reason for divorce in our country?” How about, “half of all new businesses fail within their first year?” Well, I have both a new business and a new marriage. I could easily become weighed down with the struggling fianances of our small business during these troubled economic times. Our personal finances which are based on the success of the business might also become a burden. Which one gets priority? Our paychecks on time or the business checking account? Luckily – or divinely rather – my personal finances have never had to be sacrificed for the business. In fact, my husband and I observed the opposite this month.

Coming off a very bad December in terms of business finances (the weather really did a number on us) we began the month of January already in the hole. Typically, January is a very slow month as people are recovering from their splurges the month before. Not very encouraging when you think about it. Something amazing happen – rather than the lower than average month we expected, we watched as the reservation book began to fill with special events and large parties. Our anticipated worst week was instead our busiest with 2 dinner parties, 2 luncheons and several larger reservations!

From the beginning, I knew that God had ‘greased the way’ for us, so to speak. Even getting into the place we now operate was all about doors being opened for us along the way. Over the last three years, our large events and caterings have always paid off right when we needed the money the most. A prospective employee showed up at our door right when we needed him (i.e. my husband to be). I suppose I have grown accustom to those small miracles God performs for me on a regular basis.  I take them for granted. It was quite a wake up call when my husband mentioned he’d been praying for the business and hadn’t I? No, actually, I hadn’t. I was too use to God pulling us through I guess I didn’t think I had to ask anymore. I’d like to say I remembered to say ‘thank you’ but that’s not always true either. God has met our finances in a big way this month and I pray he will continue to do so. We’re not out of the woods yet!